Emotions tend to be a ‘touchy’ or ‘taboo’ subject that isn’t often comfortable for people to discuss. This discomfort leads to suppressed emotions, left to fester, unaddressed for many years. Another barrier to healthy emotional expression comes from society tending to value logic over emotion. This shows up in the priorities we put on school subjects, career paths, and decision making. This sets us up to live our lives in an environment that doesn’t teach us how to feel, process, react to, and express our emotions. If we aren’t actively taught this as kids, we will likely struggle with it as adults.

Emotional by Nature

Emotions come up for me on a daily basis. I am by nature a very emotional person, and I find it easy to get in touch with my emotions and the emotions of others. I am currently not only pregnant and hormonal, but am raising a toddler where emotions run rampant. Recently, my toddler had a ~30-minute meltdown…the biggest meltdown I have experienced yet as a parent. While part of me wanted to solve the problem and shut it down as quickly as possible or get upset with her for the outburst, I realized that this wasn’t a normal tantrum for not getting something she wanted. This was taken to a whole new level due to the amount of emotional expression she needed to release. Realizing this helped me to shift and react to her differently. It was trial and error at first, but in the end, I realized that what she really needed was presence and comfort to feel safe so she could get those big feelings out of her system.

Some of the things that helped with her big outburst included my husband and I taking turns holding her when she needed comfort. We gave her space when she wanted it, speaking in a calm and soothing voice, and encouraging her to breath by demonstrating it to her and doing it with her.

Her big emotional outburst was one of the biggest teaching moments for me. I realized that we as adults often feel those big emotions, but don’t allow ourselves to process them, or even know how to express them in a healthy or responsible way. While emotions can be uncomfortable at times, I’m also trying to retrain myself as a parent that every tantrum or big emotional situation is an opportunity for my daughter to learn how to express her emotions in a healthy manner and self-regulate. These are foundational life skills for weathering stress and maintaining healthy relationships.

While we as adults don’t always have this luxury, it inspires me and encourages me to try to be a bit more in touch with my feelings and emotions at any given time. It also has taught me that once I am in a safe space, I sometimes need to express freely (whether that be silliness and joy, or sadness and sorrow). If I am processing my emotions through crying, I have been trying not to hide from my daughter (which is my first instinct) as I want her to see me experiencing emotions, and dealing with them in a healthy way. It has allowed her to ask me questions about my emotions and for me to talk about them and reassure her that everyone gets sad and cries, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Feeling and expressing our emotions so openly can feel vulnerable and extremely uncomfortable at times. Because of this, we often try to suppress or numb our feelings. Emotions, when they are current and present, are messages from the soul. If we are constantly suppressing or numbing our emotions, then we are ignoring and/or neglecting ourselves at the deepest level. By opening ourselves up to feeling them, naming them, and healthily expressing them, we are able to acknowledge our soul and it’s needs.

If emotions are uncomfortable for you, or if you are experiencing pain from suppressing or numbing your emotions, there are many resources that can help (including Therapists, Coaches, Guides, Acupuncturists, Energy Healers, EFT Practitioners, and many more!). As emotions come up, it is good for us to not only allow ourselves to experience them, but to also get curious as to what they are really about, and ultimately express them! Sometimes there is more there than the situation that brought these emotions to the surface. If there is more there, get curious. Try to place where it is coming from as it may not relate to the situation at hand at all. Once you know where it is coming from, you can express them and address them more appropriately. By finding healthy ways to express and address your emotions, you are able to better communicate to those around you, which can help to strengthen your relationship with yourself and others.

Tips for Working With Emotions

1)    Allow yourself to feel and fully experience them – if you can’t fully experience them in the moment (as not all environments are good for this), be sure to go back and examine or experience them later (do this through meditation, journaling, talking about it, etc.)

2)    Process and express them in a healthy way – process them by getting curious about where the emotion is coming from. Is it really about the situation, or is it from a deeper issue that you may have that is getting triggered by the current situation? Use the situation or people who are triggering you as a mirror to look deeper at yourself. When you are ready find a healthy way to express to your loved ones what is going on inside of you. Even if it isn’t fully clear / doesn’t make a lot of logical sense, it’s important to express what is going on inside of you. You can even set the expectation with them to just listen and that it may not make a lot of sense, but you just need to get it out. However, you do it in a safe way is perfect.

3)    Create a Plan for additional support – if you need additional support with processing, expressing, or addressing your emotions, start to plan for addressing what continues to come up. If it is a deep issue (maybe something that centers around never feeling worthy, etc.), you may need to reach out to professionals – counselors, therapists, Guide, or mentor for support. If it is a lighter issue, you may be able to address it yourself through tools you already have in your tool box. Whatever comes up, create a plan for what you need to do to work through it and address it.

4)    Take Action – once you have your plan in place, take action! Reach out, schedule appointments, or set aside time in your schedule to use the tools you have acquired. If you never take action against addressing what is coming up, you likely will not see a lot of movement and will continue to have the pattern show up at different points in your life.

Whether we are adults, kids, parents, or caregivers, it is important to create safe environment and to practice healthy techniques for dealing with our emotions. Emotional health is essential for our self-care and a critical need for living a full life. As adults, we not only have the opportunity to practice, but set an example and create an environment for our kids to practice safe and effective ways to feel, process, and express their emotions (whether through traditional techniques like naming and talking about it or alternative techniques like breathing, meditation, drawing, art, or dance) – as it is foundational for all of us to be able to self-regulate, thrive, and live full authentic lives.