These days it seems the concept of “self care” is trending, but it’s often in ways that are lacking in any real substance. It becomes more like the icing on the cake, rather than the foundation for a well balanced and functional life. As a result, that item of “self care” becomes one more thing on an already overflowing to-do list that no one has time for. But the truth is, when we up our self care game we’re able to show up in our lives in a much more balanced and energized way. 

Self care is not selfish. Let’s repeat that: Self care is not selfish! We can only give what we have, and it’s up to us to be sure that we have the energy that we want to share in our lives. Taking care of your own needs is your responsibility. When we don’t ensure our own needs are met, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, we’ll likely have a crack in our foundation that weakens our ability to show up in life as the best version of our self. 

It’s your responsibility to identify the cracks and do what needs to be done to strengthen your foundation. No one else is doing this work for you. People may reflect to us an insight into where our cracks are, but it’s up to us to do that work. The good news is you’re not completely on your own. There’s nothing wrong in asking for help and bringing others onto your team. That’s part of self care too.

What is Self Care?

In a way self care is the keystone that holds us together so we can excel at everything else we set out to do in life. So what exactly is self care, and how do we build it into our lives in a sustainable way?

Self care is any activity we do to intentionally take care of physical, mental, emotional or spiritual needs. When it’s lacking, these activities are a form of self preservation. But we don’t want to just get by and survive. When we build these activities into our daily lives, that’s when we can really start to thrive. 

It’s up to each of us to define what those activities are for us. It’s a personal formula, as unique as each individual. Some things like getting enough sleep, exercise, balanced diet and developing a meditation practice are all generally helpful for supporting our foundation for life. These are like high level categories (and is not a complete list). How we fill in the details, and paint the picture of self care for each of our lives is its own work of art.

These are things that fuel you. Often we know certain things we need more of in our life, but it’s about making it a priority to do it. This can be challenging, especially if we’re not taught to value self care, or if we’re struggling with depression or feel overwhelmed to try to fit something into our already jam-packed schedule. 

So let’s take a moment here to pause, and breathe, and come up with a plan. This is so crucial and important, that I want to encourage you to take small steps toward building your self care foundation. It doesn’t have to be totally revolutionized in one week, but build a plan that has small steps to get started.

Re-defining Self Care for You

The first step in building your self care plan may require re-defining self care for yourself. If you feel guilty taking time for yourself, re-defining self care as a key to showing up as a stronger partner / mother / father, or fill in the blank with whatever role you are seeking to embody. If it’s a time constraint issue, often when we re-organize and adjust our lives to make time for self care activities, we find that we’re more energized and efficient as we flow through the day.

Re-defining self care so that you can get behind it 100% is an important first step. Once you have done that for yourself, you can flush out the details of your plan, and start to take those baby steps to build your self care foundation. 

Your Self Care Plan

Once you’re onboard and ready to commit to prioritizing self care in your life, the next step is to get clear on what that means to you. The following list can give you some places to start to build out a plan that is unique to you, and will provide real substance. This may be something that takes a little trial and error, as your refine your routine and strengthen your self care foundation.

1) Self Assessment: Get clear on what’s going well, and what’s not working. Identify the areas of your life where you could use support. You can start by writing out the high level categories (examples: mental health, physical health, career, finances, partnership, family, spirituality, passion for life).

2) Brainstorm Ideas: Once you have identified areas that could use support, brainstorm things that you enjoy that may support you in each area. Make a list of things in your life that aren’t working, and that you’d like to let go of.

3) Prioritize: Once you have generated some ideas, the next step is to prioritize where to start. Are there some small changes that would be easy to incorporate? Are there some glaring issues you’ve been putting off and are an obvious place to start? Prioritizing your list will give you a plan to move forward one step at a time, and fold these changes into your daily routine in a balanced way.

4) Take Action: Once you’ve made the plan, the most important step is to take action! Otherwise the whole thing was just a thought experiment, and it’s easy to feel even more weighted down with “I should be doing [fill in the blank].” Don’t underestimate the power of momentum. When inertia sets in, return to your reason why you’re setting out to do this in the first place. 

If you feel stuck in this process, it’s ok to ask for help. There are many resources to support you, whether it’s to help organize and make your plan, to have support to follow through, or if you decide to pursue a new skill (fitness, meditation etc) to have a teacher or coach to guide you on your way. Seek out experts who can support you as you stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone.

It may take a little trial and error to find a system that works for you, but if we don’t take that step to explore and see what is out there, we will stay stuck in the same cycle. By refining our routines and continuing to search for areas where we can progress on all levels, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, we find ourselves discovering new heights as we unfold the full potential within us waiting to be expressed. 

While there are many aspects to this journey, one of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves is the gift of empowerment. I recommend walking the Path of Progression, where you receive specialized tools from an ancient wisdom tradition to support us on this path of self mastery.