Gratitude. As kids our parents drill into us the need for manners, to say please and thank you. Some of us may have been taught to pray before bedtime, to thank God for our blessings of the day. While some of this is to ensure we are polite as we interact in the world, I think there is a beautiful side effect of these simple teachings – it helps our children to develop their ‘gratitude muscles’.

Why is gratitude important?

According to science, the brain receives many benefits from practicing gratitude. According to Psychology Today, gratitude contributes to:

• better sleep 
• lower stress, anxiety and depression
• Increased optimism, attention, enthusiasm and determination
• greater improvements in exercise patterns and metabolism
• less physical pain

This research makes it pretty obvious why it’s important to practice gratitude.  Instead of focusing on all the reasons why it’s great to practice gratitude as adults, I would like to reflect on how modeling gratitude influences our children.

Gifting Gratitude to our Kids

Ultimately as a parent, I think gratitude is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. It’s a trait that will shape their brain development and overall emotional and physical health. The impact of practicing gratitude can teach them how to behave and think in ways that can shape their entire lives.

Wouldn’t it be great to pass on these gratitude traits to our children? Most of us know what it’s like to have anxiety and stress as adults. Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to pass that trait on to our kids? What if there was a way to increase the odds that your child would be less stressed and less anxious? 

When you align with gratitude, what you think, speak and do each day will help to shape your child’s life for the better.

So…How do we pass on the attitude of gratitude?

As parents, we are all just doing our best. Many of us also try to do a bit better for our kids, improving on each generation where we can, based on our experiences and values. Gratitude is one of those things I think most of us can agree is a good thing to pass on and model for our kids. Here are a couple different ways we can start doing this:

• Dialogue about kindness in many different ways every day. Topics include kindness toward animals, mother earth, recycling, respect for other people. We talk about all sorts of things including how sometimes kids have one parent, sometimes they have two dads, and sometimes they have two moms. We talk about how recycling and picking up trash on the ground because it’s kind to mother earth. 

• Practice Positive Reinforcement. Instead of focusing on what your child is doing wrong, focus on what you esteem about them. For example, our son is shy when he is around new kids or adults. But instead of giving him the label of “shy” and reinforcing it by telling everyone we meet. I choose to talk about it and give him praise when he overcomes it. “That was brave when you played with that girl on the playground today.” Or “It took a lot of courage to talk to that teacher today, but you did it!” or “How did it feel when you met the new neighbor’s kids? I know you were a little nervous but then it melted away.” He really likes saying, “it melted away!” as a way to describe his emotions shifting. 

When you focus on the positive, it teaches your child to do the same. Life is too short to waste it worrying, yet how much of your own day to you spend focusing on what is NOT going right? Our kids learn from observing us. We are doing a favor to them when we model positivity. Science even shows how brain andover time it can actually decrease tendencies for anxiety and depression. While complaining rewires your brain to be anxious and depressed.

When we complain in front of our children, they pick up on it as a behavior that is reinforced. When I heard this, I was inspired to make even better decisions of what I say and how I say it in front of our kids. I reminded myself that I’m human and I make mistakes. So, I don’t need to be perfect. But one of the best things I can do is show our kids that I can make mistakes. If I am acting in a way that is complaining or negative, I will apologize for my behavior. I think it’s good for kids to see that we make mistakes. We can own it and then make improvements.  

• See and talk about their unique beauty. Our kids go through phases and there seems be behaviors that need improvement. However, how you focus on what is going on with your child really does matter. How do you talk about your child in front of them matters, but so does how you talk about them when they are not around.  If you catch yourself using negative words to describe your child, even when they aren’t around – change it! Begin to esteem them. You are sending them positive energy when you start to focus on all the things they are doing well, not just what isn’t going well.  

Make a list of all the qualities you love about your child and focus more on those traits! Celebrate your child. Tell them what you love about them. They will repay you through positive behavior and doing more of what you love about them. It also builds their confidence and they will want to do more of it as a result.

Getting Started

If you want to teach gratitude, there are so many ways to get started! One of my favorite gratitude exercises I like to do with my son is based on the 5 Principles of Reiki. He understands it and I like that it teaches ‘bite-sized’ ways to help manage their big emotions.

Reiki Gratitude Exercise for Kids

“Just for today: 

Do not be angry

Do not be worried 

Be grateful 

Do your duties 

Be kind to others” 

Say these 5 principles of reiki out loud every day three times in a row. Kids love repetition. There are so many ways you can do this. You can turn it into a song to sing every day, create an art project based on it (For example, draw a picture of flowers and along each stem write one principle per flower), or even just say these words out loud with your kids shift their mood when they are anxious and redirect the energy.

Parents as the Foundation for Passing on Gratitude

Kids are so sensitive to their environment and often learn by observing.  As parents what we think, say and do matters to our kids’ overall well-being. It’s not enough to just be “on” with our kids and say some positive words here and there. We really need to embody living with gratitude and practice it daily. When we live it we hold the highest probability that we will pass on the gratitude trait to our child. 

In order for us to truly live gratitude in our daily lives, we need to find ways to destress and reground in the present. One of the best ways to do that is through meditation as it is so calming. If you are looking for a class, the Max Meditation System™ is a great place to start. It is a simple technique that provides you with tools to use on or off your cushion. In addition to meditation, there are many relaxing modalities that can help with stress relief and aligning you more to your true self. I recommend the Ensofic Ray 3-session protocol as it is fantastic for creating balance in the physical and emotional bodies by connecting us to our true potential at the soul and spirit levels. When we feel this balance and connection in ourselves, we can stay grounded and present which helps us to live out gratitude in our daily lives. 

The more we as parents shift ourselves and our negative patterns to live more positively, the more we can create that foundation our children need learning from what we do and how we live, instead of just what we say.

Helpful Links:

Tips to Enhance Your Child’s Intuition

Secret to Healing: Finding Joy Based on Reiki’s 5 Principles 

20 Ways to cultivate gratitude in kids

Gratitude affects our children’s health